PDF Volkswagen 2006 .pdf

Monkey business:

HOW WE CAN CHEAT
ON EMISSIONS TESTS.
Let’s take our naive customers for a ride.

Volkswagen
2006

General Motors

24.7%
Ford

17.9%

Toyota

15.2%
Honda

9.1%

Volkswagen

1.9%

YTD % Market Share in U.S., 2006

Playing fair

IS TOUGH.
Our competitors are eating oysters and drinking champagne
while we’re just nibbling on bratwurst.

It’s not a hardware problem,

IT’S A SOFTWARE PROBLEM.
Making our cars more fuel efficient is hard. Getting some IT geeks to fake it is way easier.

1.5

1.3
1.2

Volkswagen Jetta

38x limit

37x limit

1.4

Volkswagen Passat

1.1

0.3
0.2

U.S. Limit
.04 grams/kilometer

Urban

Urban

(Los Angeles)

Highway

Rural

(up and downhill)

Urban

(San Diego)

Urban

(Los Angeles)

Highway

0.1

Rural

0.4

(up and downhill)

0.5

9x limit

0.6

(San Diego)

0.7

17x limit

0.8

17x limit

0.9

20x limit

25x limit

1.0

15x limit

GRAMS OF NITROGEN OXIDES PER KILOMETER

Average emissions of nitrogen oxides in on-road testing

Introducing:

The Lance Armstrong of Cars™
The Lance Armstrong of Cars™
determines where the car is being driven (i.e. highway,
road, testing) by analysing a series of factors.

FACTOR ANALYSED

Speed

Position of
steering

Duration of
Engine
Operation

Barometric
pressure

MODE OF THE VEHICLE?

Mode switches to “dyno calibration” as The
Lance Armstrong of Cars™ recognises
automobile is undergoing emission test.

EPA compliant emission levels produced.

Being
tested

Result

Normal
Operation

Result

Mode switches to “road calibration” as
The Lance Armstrong of Cars™ recognises
automobile is not being tested by nerds.

Effectiveness of emission control system reduced,
increasing chance of killing polar bears.
Nitrogen oxide levels skyrocket up to 40 times.

Actual Rat

Volkswagen Passat

Volkswagen Jetta

Actual Rat

Volkswagen Beetle

THESE ARE THE
POTENTIAL LAB RATS!

Porsche Cayenne

Actual Rat

Actual Rat

Audi A7 Quattro

Actual Rat

THE MOST FUEL-EFFICIENT CAR
ACCORDING TO (TOTALLY LEGIT) TESTS
Because screw the polar bears

VW Beetle
Those all important terms and conditions that you really shouldn’t read, because everything we do is totally fine. Don’t worry yourself and stop
reading now. Seriously, we made this text super small on purpose. Are you Superman or something? Anyway, the point is, our cars are
definitely fuel efficient, because tests proved it. And we promise we didn’t cheat in those tests. And we’re trustworthy. I promise.

COOLWORDS

THINK SMALL. ACT BIG.
Let’s meet in a year for some oysters and champagne.

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